Just like every human being, our children want a place where they feel seen, heard, understood and worthy. If you are constantly yelling at your child for making a mistake, the child will grow believing that they are not worthy, that mistakes are bad, that they can’t do anything right and this tells on their confidence and self-esteem. So it is super important that we pay attention to how we relate with our children especially in their moment of frustration and crisis because this is where your child needs your support more as they go through those frustrating moments where they are having a barrade of emotions. They need you to help them understand those emotions and walk through them. Those are not the moments to snap them out or to yell at them.
How do you build a relationship where you can accommodate your child both in good and bad times? You can do this by making the following mindset shifts:
1. Understand that you are the Adult
Parenting relationship is not about the child…the Child will always be a child and do childish things. A child will make mistakes just like you as a parent. So you need to shift your perspective and start to understand that you are the Adult in the relationship and when there is chaos coming from your child, it is time for you to bring your Calm. Those moments when your child is struggling and having an outburst of emotions are moments where you need to bring your calm to the relationship, pay attention, understand what is going on and address the situation with a sane mind.
2. Understand that you are not a Superior Being
Yes, you are not a superior being to your Child. Your child is a little human but also deserves respect and dignity. When you have this ingrained in your mind, then you show up to the relationship and interaction that you have with your child with an eagerness to treat them with respect and dignity. So, even when they behave in a seemingly bad way, you still show up with kindness and empathy, address the situation and treat your child with some dignity while trying to correct their behaviours.
3. Understand that Parenting is a journey
You have to go on your parenting journey one day at a time. Every error your child makes is a call for you to teach them skills to behave better when that situation presents itself again. Parenting is about strengthening and building up on the skills that your child has to behave better. When they misbehave, it is not a time to yell because yelling doesn’t help you achieve anything but teaching does. Yes, your child behaved poorly, but that is the moment you should empower them with knowledge and skills so that the net time that same thing happens,
they would have developed a skill to handle the situation better. This is how you can strengthen the relationship you have with your child on a daily basis and this will make them feel that they matter, feel respected and loved.
To be able to do all these things effectively as a Parent, you should have your own Calm and this is why we created the 30-day Parenting with CalmTM Challenge which will help you build your Calm Muscles so that you can stay calm even when your child brings up chaotic
situations. We also provide you with the valuable tools, strategies and knowledge you need to help you walk the journey of parenting with deep calm without reactivity and without yelling at your children.
Join our Telegram Channel for more information on Parenting with Calm & how to join the 30-day Challenge.